A few months back I came to a realization, not some great epiphany but a simple awareness of something that had long gone unnoticed; for the past twenty-plus years I have never lived in a place longer than two years. I’ve always known I was a bit of a wanderer, but had never really paid attention to how deep than wandering nature ran within me. It took moving to a foreign land, traveling, and achieving many of the things I thought I wanted to realize that what I had been running away from was myself and that was a painful realization to confront. I understand full well the desire to leave some monsters hidden under our beds. Real growth amongst adults sometimes leads to confronting those things we have spent a lifetime avoiding.
This past June marked two years I’ve been in my current residence, the one you can read about within this blog. It’s been longer than I had anticipated when I originally bought the place and planned on staying for only the required year and then reselling.
But something happened during the past two years, as often occurs when one allows an experience to unfold on its own, without imposing one’s own expectations of how the experience should unfold. I’ve learned so much in the last two years, about renovating a house, wood working, self-employment, but the greatest and most painful lessons have been about my own inner workings. Learning to let go of defense mechanisms that, although working astoundingly well at protecting my sometimes fragile inner life, have ultimately led me to a kind of life I no longer want or need. This is an ongoing lesson and one I wish I could forgo, but know that I must work through this to find the peace I’ve been searching for for so long.
I did the landscaping with the help of my dad and some friends back in late spring. The expenditure doesn’t really add to the value of the house, but sure makes it look much more inviting. A big difference from the original picture above don’t you think?
This is home and likely will be for the foreseeable future. I like it here. I like my neighbors who bring me vegetables from their gardens and occasionally mow my lawn. In return, I enjoy helping them when they need it, whether that be shoveling snow in the winter, loaning a tool or helping someone move a piece of furniture. There is a sense of community here, one I had no idea I would be entering when I bought the place, but I like it.
This is home.