A few months back I came to a realization, not some great epiphany but a simple awareness of something that had long gone unnoticed; for the past twenty-plus years I have never lived in a place longer than two years.  I’ve always known I was a bit of a wanderer, but had never really paid attention to how deep than wandering nature ran within me.  It took moving to a foreign land, traveling, and achieving many of the things I thought I wanted to realize that what I had been running away from was myself and that was a painful realization to confront.  I understand full well the desire to leave some monsters hidden under our beds.  Real growth amongst adults sometimes leads to confronting those things we have spent a lifetime avoiding.

How she looked the first day I found her.

How she looked the first day I found her.

This past June marked two years I’ve been in my current residence, the one you can read about within this blog.  It’s been longer than I had anticipated when I originally bought the place and planned on staying for only the required year and then reselling.

A diamond in the rough? As far as first time renovations go I couldn't have picked a better property.

A diamond in the rough? As far as first time renovations go I couldn’t have picked a better property.

But something happened during the past two years, as often occurs when one allows an experience to unfold on its own, without imposing one’s own expectations of how the experience should unfold.  I’ve learned so much in the last two years, about renovating a house, wood working, self-employment, but the greatest and most painful lessons have been about my own inner workings.  Learning to let go of defense mechanisms that, although working astoundingly well at protecting my sometimes fragile inner life, have ultimately led me to a kind of life I no longer want or need.  This is an ongoing lesson and one I wish I could forgo, but know that I must work through this to find the peace I’ve been searching for for so long.

A very welcoming entrance to the Stoic's abode. The planter boxes were built and installed by yours truly.

A very welcoming entrance to the Stoic’s abode. The planter boxes were built and installed by yours truly.

I did the landscaping with the help of my dad and some friends back in late spring.  The expenditure doesn’t really add to the value of the house, but sure makes it look much more inviting.   A big difference from the original picture above don’t you think?

This is home and likely will be for the foreseeable future.  I like it here.  I like my neighbors who bring me vegetables from their gardens and occasionally mow my lawn.  In return, I enjoy helping them when they need it, whether that be shoveling snow in the winter, loaning a tool or helping someone move a piece of furniture.  There is a sense of community here, one I had no idea I would be entering when I bought the place, but I like it.

This is home.

6 thoughts on “Home

  1. Nothing beats the feeling of “home”. I would say it takes about 2 years for a place to feel like home. For me, it took just about two years. And I’m living back in my hometown!

    My first home in a different city felt like home after about two years as well.

    It’s funny. One day, you just have a different feeling that you realize has been accumulating over time – that “I’m home.”

    • Maybe that is my problem. Maybe I never really stayed long enough for a place to feel like home. I’ve always been bad at allowing myself to plant roots, even with starting a business and purchasing this house I feel like uprooting everything wouldn’t be that hard and starting over wouldn’t be that bad. Perhaps it’s just age, but I feel as if that side of me is slowly getting tired and not exerting as much control over my thoughts and actions as before. Honestly, it’s a welcome change.

  2. Glad to see that you’re finding comfort in this home, Stoic!
    As someone who has always had to house share, I look forward to my partner and I finding our own home in a few years time and experiencing that feeling you so fondly describe.

    • Thanks for stopping by!

      I’ve certainly grown fond of this place. It’s one of the few places that I’ve ever really made “mine” and it feels good. I also think the changes I’ve went through while here has something to do with it as well. I learned a ton of new skill rehabbing this place, started a business, and most importantly, if not the most difficult, having found a long searched for peace with myself.

      I wish you and your partner as much success if not more when you begin to create your own “home”.

      All the best,
      The Stoic

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